A story of Ivan Ivanovich

A blind person that has had a Guide Dog for a few years told me his story. He did not plan it to be published. When, after some time, I asked his permission to publish his story, he refused at first. But then he changed his mind. He said that he would be happy if his story could support someone in a difficult moment. He only asked not to tell his name and change his Guide Dog's name. So I did.

I got blind when I was 30. I had a profession, a good job, a family. There was an explosion where I worked. My face and my arms were burned and, what's most important, my eyes. I don't remember being in a hospital well, I was in some kind of stupor. I don't want to recall it. There is little good. Bandages on my face, countless bandaging, I can't use my hands, which are also bandaged. I didn't find out at once that I lost my eye sight. My doctors didn't tell anything to either me or my wife, maybe they were in doubt. I would not understand myself since my head was burned and covered with bandages, including my eyes. I thought that I'd recover, might have scars. I didn't care about scars as I am a man. My arms and legs were still working. In the end everything healed up, even scars, they say, aren't too bad but my eyes can not see. And there is nothing anybody can do. They told me in a few days. I didn't understand it at first – Me, blind? My doctor patted me on my shoulder and started reassuring me: "It's ok. You'll be getting a pension. You are alive! That's important!" As for me, when I understood what she was talking about thought that I'd better died. I have a beautiful young wife, a daughter and a son still preschool, old parents and me…disabled? Will have to depend on them completely, will become a burden for them, wouldn't enjoy my life and they wouldn't be happy. I felt really bad. I can't say but believe me, I have never felt worse than at that time, don't think I ever will. To tell the truth, I wanted to kill myself but could not. Not because I was not brave enough. Just could not – I am lying there, my hands are in bandages, see nothing, can't even understand where was my left or right. What could I do? Besides, I was not alone in my ward. My wife came to visit me the next day. They told her too. I asked her if she'd break up with me now. She said I was an idiot and started crying.

When I got out of the hospital, they brought me home. I was absolutely helpless, confused, disoriented. I just sat on a sofa as a doll and was afraid to walk around my own apartment. My kids were happy to see me back home but my older son understood everything and didn't know how to behave with me. My wife told them while I was at the hospital but can someone prepare for this. My daughter was only 3 then and didn't understand it. Ran to me screaming: "Daddy, I've got a new book! Will you read it to me?"

A few days passed. I didn't know what to do. What could I do if I could not even use a bathroom on my own? I could not even pour myself a cup of tea without first crashing half of the kitchen? I became really spiteful, nervous. Screamed at my children, didn't talk to my wife, had a fight with my parents. I didn't answer the phone when my friends called. I hated and felt sorry for myself. Maybe that was the case.

In about two weeks my brother came back from a business trip and immediately came to see us. Stayed with us for an hour or so and understood what was happening. When my wife went to take our children to bed he grabbed me, shook really hard and dragged me to the balcony for a talk. And explained me very clearly who I was. I didn't raise any objections. When he cooled down a bit, he told me: "You have to fight! Everybody is ready to help you while you are stagnating. You should feel sorry for your family! You kids are scared of you, it's hard to look at Olga. Another one would have left you, sop!" He said lots of things to me then.

I started to fight. I knew that my brother was right in many respects. I'd like to think that in some time I would have done it myself.

I started to learn. To walk on my own. First around the apartment. I learned to recognize where various objects were located and remember it. I started to use a cane, a special long cane for the blind. It is a real science. It helped me a lot. I learned to help around the house. There are a lot of ways, if you try hard enough, to clean or to cook without being able to see. I don't say it was easy. I wanted to quit everything so many times when I felt desperate!

Olga and I decided hat she starts working while I'd be looking after the house and the children. My parents helped me at first. It was good they live nearby. My pension and her salary would be enough for us at first. It was not any easy decision for me but my wife insisted. Well, to be honest, we had no choice.

I got used to my blindness with time. It got easier when I learned to do everything on my own. The only thing that I could not do was walking on the streets independently. When I used to come out of the porch I remembered everything but was afraid. I knew that there was nothing scary – I could hit myself or slip. But just could not. Really stupid.

Once on my wife's birthday we had the whole family to celebrate. We had good relationships by then. I was not ashamed of discussing my problems and they stopped being afraid to hurt me talking about them. We started talking about what school should my son go to since it was soon. They started proposing different choices. I tell them: "Don't forget that he is still small! It's too far. He won't be able to go on his own. Who will take him there?" The tell me: "you" – "Yea, right. Who will take me there?". And here my mom, I didn't expect that from her, says: "What about a dog? A Guide Dog?" I, of course, heard of such dogs but didn't really believe in their use. As for me… While everybody else got very excited, especially the children. That day we didn't decide anything and I forgot about this conversation. My brother called me a few days later. He found out everything about guide dogs and said that it was exactly what I needed. That it would solve all my problems. I reminded him how we went to a hairdresser a few days earlier and he walked me straight into an open door. And not for the first time. He just forgot that I could not see. "Your dog, - I told him, - will kill me! You are human and didn't notice. What can you expect from a dog?" We had an argument. He didn't forget his idea and literally forced me to sign all the necessary papers. We were told that we'd had to wait for a long time since there were a lot of people willing to get a guide dog. Who could have thought that? I prepared to wait, getting used to the idea of having a guide dog. Suddenly, in about a month I got a phone call. - "If you want, you can have a guide dog right now. Only you have to go in 2 days. A person for who the dog was trained got seriously ill and can't come. Since you are in Moscow, it's not far and you'll be on time for the classes." I felt a bit lost. That was so soon. Besides, I could not go on my own. I called my brother. He settled all his business in two days and came with me.

When we got to Kupavna, we were put in a hotel. By that time there were 3 more people like me that came a day earlier. All came a long way. I was the only one from Moscow. It was the time to meet my dog. A trainer brought the dog. He was really friendly, jumping and sniffing, even licked me once. The girl held him on a lid and said that Rick liked me.

I always liked dogs. When I was a boy I had a mongrel. She lived for 12 years. She was very smart and followed me everywhere. My parents have a poodle. Also smart but spoilt. But I had never met real working dogs. Only books and movies. I thought that the most important thing was that the dog loved me and understood that I needed its help and won't hurt it. So, I was really happy that Rick accepted me. Apparently, it was not so easy. First, the trainer showed us what the dog can do, what commands he knows. She said that the dog won't listen to me at first and that I need to be sure that the dog is well trained. While the trainer and the dog were working my brother was describing me what they were doing. When they finished he was excited. However the trainer cooled us down a bit. She told me that I should not hope that I could do that from the beginning. That's what I understood myself very soon.

When I first took the lead of Rick to walk a route that Rick knew very well, he didn't even think of obeying my commands. It walked very slowly somewhere, walked me into some grass and stopped. What's strange is that I was not at all scared. The trainer started teaching me. How I should give out commands, how I should make Rick take them seriously and obey me. There are so many things to remember! I just started to work it out and was already really tired. We had a break after which we had a theory class where we all were told about how to train a dog. After this another training with Rick. Every day was like that. By the end of the first week Rick and I learned to understand each other but both still made lots of mistakes. Our trainer was very exigent, didn't miss a thing, made us repeat the same thing a few times until we made it correctly. Didn't let either of us to do hack-work. She used to say: "You will thank me later. If you don't learn now, how will you do it at home?" It was like being in the army again. My brother agreed. Her went to every class with me, so that he could help back at my home routes. During the second week at Kupavna School Rick moved in to our hotel room. I learned to walk him every morning and evening, feed him, clean his feet. Once I had to wash him after the rain. One of the last days our trainer offered me to walk with Rick independently, without her. To make sure that I can do it myself. So, we chose a little path through a forest with a few obstacles. So, Rick and I went and my trainer and my brother stayed. I didn't feel comfortable, I even was a bit scared. But we made it. Not without mistakes but we walked all the way, sat down and came back. This made me more confident. At the end of the second week Rick and I passed an exam, got our papers, new equipment and went home.

Rick got used to his new home very quickly. They say that Labradors take changes easily. He got friendly with my children – understood that he could beg them for some treats easily.

The next day Rick and I went to learn our first new route under a supervision of my brother. A road to school where my son would study. At first we just walked together, showed him the route. Then on a lead. I required him to notice all obstacles, to walk around people, not to get distracted. That's when I thanked my trainer. Rick made lots of mistakes in a new environment, sometimes was stubborn. Since I've been through that once before, I knew how to deal with that. We trained every day for a couple of hours. In about a week I decided to walk alone with Rick. It worked. So, I started walking with Rick every day for training. We learned a few more routes, one of them without any help from my brother. Of course, there were mistakes, difficulties. But now I can leave home any minute on my own without depending on my family. Almost like I did it before. In September my son went to school. I walked him every morning and Rick was with us. Sometimes, when we were in a hurry, we used a tram. Rick loved it for some reason. Always tried to turn to the tram stop first. If you tell him that we walk, he'll just sigh slowly and turn away. Rick walked me from school back home. Then at lunch time he walked me back to school to meet our first-year. Before that we'd finish all our businesses.

It's been four years since Rick lives with us. I can't even imagine what I did without him. Of course, he didn't give me my eye sight back but he made me a free man again. My son is old enough now to go to school alone now we walk my daughter. Everything is ok now. I started looking for a job. I think a found one. I'll have to learn but I am ready. Soon Rick and I will learn a new route: "To work!"